


She Couldn't Believe

by OriginallyCalzona



Category: Rizzles - Fandom, Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Angst, Community: rizzlesfanficchallenge, F/F, Femslash, Girl Penis, Magic Cock, Other, Power Dynamics, Rizzles, Sexual Tension, Warning: Donald Trump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-13 00:17:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OriginallyCalzona/pseuds/OriginallyCalzona
Summary: Jane abuses Maura's trust. G!p nonconsent.





	1. Uno

_At that moment she realized she was no different than the million other woman who had their faith in people abused._  
_Right then, as she lay there, immobilized by her own mind. Her thoughts racing, she felt a tear tickle down her left temple._  
_She stifled an exasperated sigh "Jane.."_  
_But she felt like there was no use._  
_This was not the same person she thought of as Jane._  
_It couldn't be._

_But there she was, filling her up completely like Jane._

_She felt like Jane._

XXXXX

Jane's body was so hot, Maura could feel the heat through the "Property of BPD Homicide" tshirt she had put on for bed.  
Jane had been working so hard on solving an old case of hers, and Maura hadn't expected her to come home that night.  
She almost always wore one of Jane's Tshirts when she slept alone.  
It made her feel the connection they had, even if she couldn't feel Jane.

She had fallen asleep and was a little petrified when she woke up to the feeling of her breasts being touched.  
She smelled scotch.  
"Jane?"  
Mmmm was all she heard in response.  
Jane was spooning her from behind and quickly moved her hand from Maura's breast down to cup her sex.

"Jane?" Maura repeated, wanting to slow down as Jane seemed intent on one thing.  
"Jane what happened?  
Did you go to the dirty robber?  
..  
Jane.."

She was cut off by jane roughly pulling maura towards her and pushing her onto her back.  
Jane immediately crushed her mouth into Mauras.  
The kiss took maura's breath away.  
Jane was moving on and placing kisses on Maura's neck when

She heard the tinging of the metal on jane's belt as she removed it from herself.

Now alarms were going off and red flags were going up in Maura's head.  
Something was wrong with Jane, and while Maura longed to feel Jane at all times,  
She didn't want it this way.  
Jane was clearly wasted and probably wouldn't even remember this tomorrow.

"Jane, stop.  
What's going on?"

Jane stopped kissing maura's neck and in one swoop removed her pants and briefs.  
They stopped at her ankles because Jane had yet to take her boots off.  
Jane then started pulling at the string tying mauras pajama shorts around her hips.

"I want you so bad Maura."

She speaks.  
Well slurs out.

But Maura was trying to get control of the situation.

"Jane no"

Maybe Jane didn't hear her.  
Jane ripped Maura's shorts off her hips.

Maura yelped in unexpected pain as her shorts were yanked down her hips.  
Jane didn't bother taking them all the way off, and left them to rest below maura's knees.  
Jane had already pulled her cock out and she was hard.  
Now maura was scared.  
It wasn't that she didn't want Jane, but she felt like she had no choice at the moment and that terrified her.  
Especially since the person taking away her choices was the person she loved and cared for more than anything.

"Jane stop."  
Maura's panic was rising. She placed her hand on Jane's chest and pushed.

She wasn't getting through to Jane, but she didn't want to hurt her.  
Before she could stop her,  
Jane hooked a finger in the crotch of Maura's panties and tugged them to the side.  
She pushed her cock all the way inside of Maura and with a deep animal-like groan her head came to rest on Maura's shoulder as she fit perfectly.

Maura shuddered at the intrusion.  
Pain.  
Neither of them moved for a moment.

Just a moment.

At that moment Maura realized she was no different than the million other woman who had their faith in people abused.  
Right then, as she lay there immobilized by her own mind and her lover,  
Her thoughts racing, she felt a tear tickle down her left temple.

She stifled an exasperated sigh "Jane.."  
But she felt like there was no use.

This was not the same person she thought of as Jane.  
It couldn't be.

But there she was, filling her up completely like Jane.

She smelled like whisky and sweat.

Maura stared up at the ceiling.  
Feeling as if she were shrinking beneath Jane.

The world was expanding around her, suffocating her and crushing her.

Jane had had began thrusting into Maura.  
Her thrust accented by grunts that came from deep within her.

Maura opened her eyes.  
The lights were off in the room but Jane had left the door open when she came in  
And light from the hallway lamp was glowing in.  
Maura focused on the light shining into the dark room.  
As she felt Jane continue to move in and out of her.  
Never fully leaving.

She cursed and thanked her body as she felt herself lubricating to accept Jane into her.  
She felt Jane getting harder inside of her and winced as Jane removed herself immediately.  
Maura was still focusing on the light.

Jane leaned back on her heels and took Maura's shorts the rest of the way off.  
Not as concerned with her own pants,  
She took hold of each of Maura's ankles in her hand and pushed them closer to Maura so that her knees were bent  
And her feet were flat on the bed.

She kissed Maura's knee and held her lips there for a moment.

Maura's eyes darted to Jane's face.  
Looking at her for the first time since feeling her intrusion.  
She searched her face, still in disbelief that this was her Jane.

Where is she?  
Maura wondered.  
Maura cursed her thoughts for betraying herself.  
She was worrying about Jane and couldn't seem to form a thought other than Jane.  
She couldn't will her hand to slap Jane.  
She didn't know if it would help.

Jane was wasted.  
She seemed almost sedated.  
Zombie like, with numb control over her moter funtions.

Jane had began to move in towards Maura's body.  
Maura watching her every move, feeling Jane's cock poking at her body  
as she ascended.

She hated this.  
Her mind was spinning in circles.  
Why didn't she just leave.  
She could leave now, before anything else happened.

She could leave right now.

She just looked up at the ceiling as Jane stopped inbetween Mauras open legs.  
Her cock resting upon Maura's sex.  
Jane was now hovering over Maura and  
Put a hand on Maura's pelvis, keeping her hip planted on the bed.  
Maura looked down at Jane and saw her cock was throbbing.

A mix of emotion surrounding Maura's clear thinking.  
She could feel how wet she was.

Did she want to stop?  
Was it too late to turn back now?

Jane lined her cock up to maura's pussy and fell in.  
As far as she could go.  
She used her right hand to catch her fall.  
Holding herself up over maura with her hand on the pillow under maura's head.  
Her groan resonated inside of maura's body.

"Ughhhh. Fuck."

Maura gasped and her legs fell opened wider.  
Jane was thrusting so deep into her.  
She looked up at Jane and saw that her eyes were closed in pleasure,  
Her mouth open to let out shallow breaths with each pump in.  
Her thumb had started rubbing Maura's hip,  
And maura couldn't help but grind against her while being completely filled up.

Maura's sighs and gasps echoing off of Jane's gasps and grunts.  
The sound of flesh hitting as Jane increased her thrusts.  
The sound of sex filled the still room.

Putting more power behind each thrust in,  
They were both being controlled by their bodies.  
"Oh god.  
Jane."

Maura felt herself slipping deeper beyond her own reach.  
Jane was pounding her relentlessly.  
Senselessly.  
Jane never fucked her like this.  
"Jane" She breathed out when Jane put both of her hands on either side of Maura's head and put everything she had into her thrusts.  
Maura's legs were up squeezing Jane between them.  
Her hands were sprawled out, gripping the sheets as she closed her eyes and let her mind and body be wrapped up by the pleasure coursing through her.

Jane had stopped making any noise outside of the shallow gasp for air.  
Her cock hadn't left maura's body once and maura could feel Jane throbbing inside of her.  
She knew Jane was going to release soon.

Inside of her. The thought occurred to Maura.  
She felt like she should try to do something but wasn't sure what she could do.  
That feeling of being immobilized creeped up on her.  
She was trapped under Jane.  
She could leave if she made the effort but as Jane put her arms down,  
Under maura's shoulders, her head came to rest in the crook of maura's shoulder and neck.  
Making leaving that much more difficult.  
Maura felt Jane place one kiss above her right breast as her thrust became shorter and more erratic.  
Jane had started to groan/moan once more and Maura knew she would cum any moment.  
"Ugghhnn. Maura .." She ground out between moans.  
"Jane.." Maura whispered back.  
She put her hands on either side Jane's ribs.  
She had unconsciously wrapped her body up with Jane's.  


They moved as one.

As she felt another kiss above her breast, Maura wrapped her arms around Jane, and kissed her shoulder.

She hated that she loved Jane so much.

How could Jane make the hurt good?

But she felt herself completely open up to Jane nonetheless and that familiar tightening in her stomach made her close her eyes again.

She felt her orgasm was close as Jane continued to rock her body.

"Fuck Maura.. I'm .." Jane drew a harsh breath into her lungs and let out a low gutteral sound as she exploded inside of Maura.

Maura let go.

Her eyes rolled back and her body shook violently from the orgasm going through her body.

She had never cum so hard before in her life.

Neither one of them moved for a while.

Completely exhausted.

Maura could feel the warm cum slowly coming out of her.

She let her arms fall off of Jane onto the bed.

Jane gave a small grunt.

A protest?

Jane was still inside of her, but Maura felt that she was about to slip out.

Her cock was noticeably getting softer.

Maura had to leave now.

She moved up towards the pillows and Jane fell out of her.

She looked down at Jane and saw she was sound asleep.

She pulled herself out of Jane's embrace and immediately went to the guest bedroom and turned the shower on

As hot as she could stand it xx


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here's another entry into 'OriginallyCalzona's rizzles couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note: Okay so this is a fantasy. obvs jane doesn't have a penis and the girls arent dating/married on the show, and if they were, jane would probably never force herself onto(or into) maura. So this is a fantasy. Written strictly how I like it.

She couldn't go back in there with Jane.

She was looking at her reflection in the fogged up mirror. Afraid to see herself clearly.

What if she had changed some how.

If there was something new about her eyes or her lips that would show.. what? Show what?

How afraid she was?

That seemed true, that she was afraid, but Maura didnt want to be afraid of Jane.

She didn't even think she could be but she also thinks Jane may have just raped her so a lot of things aren't making sense right now.

She sees flashes of it all. Jane on top of her, her cock disappearing in and out of her. The light from the hallway and the sound of the sheets moving. She looks away from her reflection in anger. The reflection is still fogged but it's coming into focus.

Despite the warmth of the bathroom, Maura feels cold. Like blood is leaving her body or just cooling down maybe. Freezing her from the inside out. She puts her hands on the sink to steady herself and watches the water drip down from her hair and drop onto her hands and the sink. Her eyes watch until she flashes back again. Back to the pain and pleasure of being thoroughly taken. She hadn't intended to orgasm anymore than she intended not to but she felt like all her feelings were being stimulated. Her sexual appetite, fear, anger, pleasure, desire, trust, love. She didnt realize how tied those feelings were to her pussy but they felt thoroughly fucked as well.

She didn't know what the hell to think.

One of her hands had travelled to her pussy and she was lightly touching herself.

But her pussy was sore.

She looked up to see her reflection, clear, staring back at her in the mirror.

And she didn't know what the hell was happening to her.

*Morning light the next day*

Jane wakes up to the feeling of her hard cock rubbing against the soft silk sheets but any comfort she got from her erection disappeared when she realized the amount of pain radiating from her skull. She felt sick to her stomach dizzy and she had barely even picked her head off the bed.

"oh ughhh fuck" she says and tries to roll over but has some difficulty as she still has her pants on from last night. Coupled with hungover clumsiness every move she makes is difficult.

"what the fuck" Jane says seeing that she even slept in her boots. "Maura?" Jane says looking over to the empty bed and taking in the state of things."what the hell happened last night? And why am I sleeping alone"

She lays there for a minute. Trying to piece together the night, the last thing she remembers is working on her case..

And frankie wouldn't get off my ass about my case. Sure he knew more about it than I did. Even though he just joined the academy.. I ended up telling him off ...

"Oh shit" Jane says knowing she'll probably have to apologize to Frankie. Especially if he's told their mother.

"well I have to get up now and fix this but I need to call bpd and get the day off. .. I can't believe Maura didn't wake me" Jane wondered out loud.

But as Jane hung up her phone she was even more confused. When she'd finally been able to get her boots and pants off and get out of bed, she discovered Maura had already called and gotten them both the day off.

Why would she do that? And where is she? Jane thought to herself. She perked up her ears seeing if she could hear Maura through the house but the house was silent.

Just then Maura's cell buzzed and Jane noticed it was still on the bedside table charging and she went over and picked it up. Trying to recall more from the night before. She remembers staying to work on her case after Frankie left but being stumped again.

She couldn't help cursing herself for not being able to bring this little girl home. But she decided to get a drink before the trip home.

She went to the dirty robber to get a beer alone.

But wait,

And a flood of memories came back to her.

Frankie came up to her at the bar and he was drunk. Slurring his words and cursing. Jane had tried to leave but Frankie landed a punch right to the side of her face and they fought.

It was bad but I can't remember anything else. I must have stayed at the bar and had more drinks..

How did I get home?

Did Maura come and get me?

She was wondering again.

Jane decided to get a shower and then resume looking around for her wife when she felt refreshed.

Coming out of the steamy bathroom Jane just regarded the bed as she dried her hair off.

The fitted sheet was coming off of one side and the pillows were in various places over the mattress, the comfortor was almost totally on the floor.

Then Jane noticed a pair of Maura's pajama shorts and panties on the floor by their bed.

"She's not the type of person to leave her underwear on the floor" Jane said aloud.

Was I so drunk that she couldn't sleep with me?

Jane picked up the discarded clothes and put them in the hamper and went ahead to remove the bedding to wash it. Carrying it down the hall to the laundry room she sees the last door on the left, the guest room door, is open and peeks her head in to see if Maura has been found.

"Ya know I thought maybe we'd been robbed and the robbers decided to take you instead of the coffee press" Jane jokes, leaning against the doorway to the room when she see Maura's body in the bed.

She waits for a response but just smiles and leaves when she doesn't get one. As she retreats from the room to continue to the laundry room she is completely oblivious to the panic on Maura's face and the stress and anxiety rolling through her wife's mind and heart. She calls out to Maura, as she gets to the washing machine,

"Ya know I'm sorry for coming home so drunk like that babe."

"I know we don't really drink like that, and honestly I'm not sure why I did. Except that I remember me and Frankie getting into a fight..? It got bad.."

Maura hasn't moved since Jane came in and then left the room. She doesn't want to move, afraid to stir around her, but Jane seems to know she's awake already and seems to want to talk about last night.

"I'm kind of embarrassed" Jane continues from the laundry room. "Apparently I tried to undress myself. I just got my cock out, but I'm sure you saw that"

"god" Maura whispers to herself. Trying to keep her composure at Jane's nonchalance.

"she doesn't remember anything"

And then Maura's panic triples as she hears Jane's footsteps returning.

"Hey" Jane says, standing in the doorway again.

She smiles when Maura meets her eyes and her dimples make Maura's heart flutter, but it doesn't feel good. It feels uneasy and disturbed from it's natural rhythm.

"God, you're so beautiful Maura."

Maura just keeps looking at Jane, knowing if one of them doesn't leave her heart is liable to explode but Jane just comes closer before crouching down by the bed.

"Please don't leave me because I get black out drunk from time to time and get in bar fights" Jane jokes to difuse the tension before getting serious.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." Jane says, taking in Maura's features as she lay in bed, not wanting to leave it. Only Jane doesn't know it's because of her Maura feels stuck in the bed.

Maura can't stop it when a tear drops as Jane's hand comes to caress her face.

"hey.." Jane breathes out, "hey don't cry baby" Jane says as she brings her lips to Maura's cheek and kisses the tears.

She leans back to take in Maura's face again but Maura suddenly sits up and pulls Jane to her, crushing her in a hug and Jane is taken off guard. Her and Maura end up falling back onto the bed and Maura keeps holding on for dear life while her body shakes with silent tears.

"Maura? What's wrong? What is it?" Now Jane is trying not to cry herself. Seeing Maura so upset when she doesnt know why is driving her crazy.

"I .. love.. you .. so.. much.. Jane" Maura gets out between sobs.

"I love you t--" but an image takes over Jane's mind before she finishes the thought. As she lays with Maura the whole night comes rushing back to her and she almost throws up her stomach.

"oh god Maura." Jane stops rubbing Maura's back.

"Maura I'm so sorry" Jane says standing up out of Maura's embrace, horrified at the images bombarding her memory. She places a hand over her mouth as a tear falls from her eyes.

"I .. I.." she stumbles over her words. Looking down at Maura as she sits up on the bed.

"Jane..?"

"I'm so sorry Maura." Jane says before she backs out of the room.

Maura can hear movement coming from their bedroom before she hears Jane coming back down the hall. She gets out of the bed to investigate and sees Jane as she passes by the room and heads out to the main area of the house. Jane heads straight to the door before looking back at Maura, just for a moment before leaving the house.

The door shuts behind her and she's gone.

"Great." Maura says to herself when she's alone again and sinks down to the cold floor.

Completely exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some feedback


	3. Tres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do things mend?

She was still so mad at Jane. She was furious with her actually. She had been cycling through emotions since Jane left, crying and sleeping and screaming and feeling nothing, but had settled on pissed as the sun was setting and Jane still hadn't shown up. Jane was running away and Maura was just supposed to wait for her to come back?

She could hardly focus on making tea as her thoughts were going a mile a minute. She wanted to run away too, and she wanted to be okay but she was realizing her world felt upside down now. And no matter what, some things just weren't going to make sense. She couldn't run away from that. And she loved Jane. She knew she would forgive her. Jane raped her and hurt her and she ran away "and I don't want to say I hate her" Maura mumbled to herself.

She had poured tea for herself and found comfort in the sting from the hot mug in her grip.

She wasn't paying attention to that pain anymore though as she got lost in stirring her spoon around the hot liquid. Her eyes glazed over as she flashes back to the moments leading up to Jane forcing herself inside her.

"I can't say I hate her!" Maura yells to the empty house as the crash and shatter of her mug reverberates around the empty kitchen.

Just then Maura hears keys in the lock at the front door before Jane appears through the doorway and takes in Maura's tear stained face. She looks so tired Jane thinks to herself and feels another pang of guilt. She looks down at the keys in her hands before looking back up to meet Maura's eyes. Maura hasn't stopped looking at her since she came through the door. She looks pissed off too Jane thought.

"You decided to come back?" Maura asks, her voice cold as Jane takes a few steps into the house.

There's a crunch under Jane's boot as she steps on a small piece of porcelain glass and discovers the sound of the crash. There is tea staining the wall and she looks back to Maura who hasn't moved yet, just continues to watch Jane's movements.

"Maura" Jane's voice cracks as tears appear in her eyes, "I can't believe.. I love you so much and I can't believe I hurt... You like that." As she comes around the island to face her wife, Jane falls to her knees in front of Maura and burys her face in the soft fabric of Maura's shirt, she shakes Maura off her stance when she grabs a hold of her hips and starts sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Maura"

It was automatic for her to raise her hand to run through Jane's hair but she hesitated for a moment before she actually brought her hand to rest on top of Jane's head as Jane continued to sob against her.

Maura's anger doubled, her hand was suddenly pushing Jane's head off of her stomach, causing Jane to lose her balance and rock backward but she caught herself on her hands.

Her face showed her surprise as she looked up at Maura who had paused for a moment before she lunged at Jane using both her hands to push Jane back before bringing her fist down on Jane's chest. "I hate you!"

Maura was screaming at the top of her lungs

"I hate you!" And she brought her fist back down on Jane's chest before slapping her, hard, across the face. "--hate you!" This time Jane grabbed her wrists as Maura's fist made contact again.

"Maura, stop!"

Maura was strong, and she was struggling to get her wrists free. She twisted perfectly and broke Jane's grip but Jane just wrapped her arms around Maura's body as she tried to hit her again.

"Maura please stop"

And then, suddenly Maura calmed down.

She was back in Jane's arms, feeling her emotions swirl around her as Jane lightly rubbed the back of her neck. It was soothing and Maura hated that. If Jane knew what soothed her how could she be the one to hurt her like this.

Before she realized it, more tears were streaming silently down her face

as she felt Jane's body surrounding her.

Maura stood up slowly over Jane. Looking down at that beautiful confused face got her pissed off again.

It didn't take long for her anger to boil over and she was pushing Jane onto her back again.

"You want me to stop!? Why? Why should I stop!? Jane! Why should I stop!?

You didn't stop!"

A heavy silence filled the room around them.

Jane didn't know what to say. She was looking right at Maura and she didn't know what to say.

She hurt her. She hurt her wife, in one of the worst ways imaginable, and she wanted a guide for how to make it better. She realizes how ridiculous that was then when she was the person who caused all this. Maura may never be able to forgive her and as it makes sense and gears shift into place in her head, Jane's heart breaks at the frailghty of life.

Here is her love, the better half of her completed soul, broken down to her parts. Exposed and vulnerable and seething with anger because I forced her to have sex.

A crying fit takes over Jane again as she backs up to the wall behind her and hides her face.

Maura is exhausted from the day she's had. She's looking at Jane and barely feels any sympathy because all of this is her. It all came from her. Maura walks past a sobbing Jane to go sit on one of the stools on the other side of the island.

Jane looks up, when she hears Maura's feet pad past. She's just stopped crying but there are still fresh tears on her face.

"Maura I'm sorr--"

"stop! Saying you are sorry. I know you are. It's just gonna take a minute. It's just.. I need..

..I need you to take your cock out"

"what?" Jane is utterly confused

"Do I have to repeat myself for you too?" Maura's face is cold, expressionless but Jane can tell Maura isn't dead to her. Still she wanted to do as she was told.

Maybe Maura would feel like she could take some of her power back from Jane.

Jane hesitated briefly before undoing her button fly and pulling her cock out of her briefs. She felt locked into Maura's eyes. Like she was in a trance; or under a magician spell and she couldn't look away but when she saw Maura's eyes break contact to look at her cock, she looked down too.

She was disgusted. She didn't want to look at herself. She looked back up at Maura with a pained expression.

"Maur, what are we doing?"

"Stroke yourself"

Jane looked back down at her penis. The offending appendage was oblivious to any understanding of it's role, but Jane knew.

"Please, Maura, I really.. don't wanna be hard right now."

Now she can't meet Maura's eyes. Images of the night are flashing around Jane's imagination and her guilt is liable to make her vomit, cry or both.

Maura waited patiently but she repeated herself, "Stroke yourself."

Jane was looking away towards the door, wanting to be far away and mad that she couldn't leave but she chanced a glance back to Maura to see if she stood a chance of not having to do this.

As she focused her eyes back on the front door, she began stroking herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some feedback and a kudos if you're enjoying so far ! !  
> I love creating and getting feedback when I post and if you're on Tumblr follow me @OriginallyCalzona


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a power trip back home

Her fingers were cold on her cock but she didn't intend to enjoy this anyway so she wanted them to stay cold as long as possible. 

"Look at me Jane."

Dammit.  
I was acting like a kid with broccoli on his plate, pushing it around like I wouldn't have to eventually eat it.

"grip your dick and stroke yourself."

Her eyes, hell, her whole face was radiating that I was just pissing her off by drawing this out.  
And her tone removed any rebuttle that may have come from my mouth.   
So with my fingers gripping my dick and my eyes on my boots, I started trying to get myself hard.  
I could feel her eyes on me.   
Watching  
And Tracking loaded barrels that were ready to blast and tear straight through to my center.  
I was walking up to my firing squad with my dick in my hands. That's what it felt like.  
So I didn't want to see her eyes..  
Because what if I'm already dead in them and this is just overkill?  
I'm not ready to die. I'm afraid to die. I love my wife.   
But I'm afraid to look her in the eyes.  
Am I a coward?  
Just not ready to accept demise.  
And none of this seemed to be working out right anyway. My mind was going a mile a minute, and I could get myself stimulated but how was I supposed to get a boner knowing my wife hates me  
Because I ... abused her.

"Look at me Jane."

But the woodgrain on the stool she's sat on is suddenly so captivating. My eyes travel to her feet resting on the lowest wrung. Her toenails are polished deep purple. They look perfect. Regardless, she'll get them redone a different color or clear soon--  
"Jane.."

My subconscious was really didn't want to do this. I hadn't realized I let my thoughts run away with me until Maura brought me back from them. I had stopped stroking myself as well.   
Not that it mattered, I could barely give myself a semi.   
"You stopped stroking."  
"Yeah I--"  
"I didn't say you could stop."  
Then I did look and her eyes were intense.  
And they did go right through the center of me.  
She had leaned an elbow on the counter beside her and her head was resting in her hand but she pulled the tangled fingers through her tresses when I looked up to meet her eyes.  
She let out a tight lipped sigh as she straightened back up, leaning forward slightly and bringing her hands to her lap.  
She leveled her stare.  
I had already starting pulling on my shaft again, squeezing lightly each time my fingers stroked the tip to create some friction.  
And in a most unexpected way, a renewed vigor pulsed through my cock when I looked back into Maura's eyes.  
I became lost in the maze, and no matter what, I knew I wouldn't be able to turn around now and just go back the way I came. The longer her eyes held mine, the more hopelessly lost in the maze I became.  
If I tried to get my bearings they would be my cock and Maura.

"No you didn't say I could stop.." Jane reiterates. Surprised by Maura's effectiveness at taking control of her body with few words and no touches.  
She feels in tuned with Maura anyway, submitted by the power in Maura's dominance.   
Maura was never dominate but she was now and Jane's body was reacting to it.   
Her throat was dry and she had to swallow before taking in a deep breath, and releasing it through her nose to gain control of her breathing.   
The apprehension at stroking herself in front of Maura drained entirely from Jane's body as her hands pump pleasure in with each stroke.  
"Are you going to do what I say?"she hears Maura ask, though the words seem to come from further away than Maura is-- Taking longer to reach the rational part of Jane's brain.  
"Mmhm" she nods quickly, wrapped up in her pleasure. Her fingers have been replaced by a firmer fisted grip and her breathing is coming at a steady pace again; quick.  
The vein on the underside of her dick has fully engorged, and pure stimulated pleasure is radiating through out her body. 

"Mmm" I moan out, leaning my head back on the wall and closing my eyes before I think to stop myself.  
"Jane open your eyes. Look at me."  
Fuck.  
Her voice grasps my attention immediately. It's deeper, raspy even. Still cold but not apathetic;   
and it gives her away..  
I look back into her penetrating stare as another moan resonates inside me. My dick is throbbing a pleasant buzz throughout my body and limbs. Especially one limb in particular and I see Maura's eyes have left mine to gaze at that member. 

My breathing is coming in quick shallow gasps and no amount of trying to tone down my excitement would hide how hot this has made me.   
But as I looked up to my wife, pleasuring myself and imagining her pleasuring me, I feel a pang of guilt at enjoying the pang of excitement that came from stroking myself in front of her.   
This pleasure felt dangerous.  
It felt dangerous to be so turned on when it was so wrong, yet, if this is what Maura wants me to do, how can that not be right?  
I was getting sucked up into stimulated abyss again and I had to catch myself when I closed my eyes and almost whispered her name. I immediately opened my eyes back up and caught Maura's expression.  
It wasn't the cold, hard, stone face locking her away from me anymore..  
She had, probably unconsciously, brought her hand back up to support her chin with her elbow resting back on the island beside her.  
And now her face had completely opened up and her eyes were shining.  
No longer distinguishable amber glows and grey green strokes. Her eyes were more close to coal. I'd never seen them like that.   
She had her thumb hooked under her chin and her fingers came to rest, curled over her lips. I watched as her lips slowly parted allowing a finger to pass through and be caught between her teeth.   
I was staring, dumstruck, with my mouth open, pulling much needed air into my lungs;  
Watching her slowly coming undone as I was almost literally cuming undone.  
My cock was leaking.   
Having her close to me, with no right to touch her, brought my attention to how badly I wanted to touch her.   
My dick was rock hard and throbbing at the images filling my mind.  
I can feel that I'm getting twitchy .  
"mm" I hum.  
"Does it feel good?"  
"mmhm" I answer and nod my head as word formation gets more difficult.   
The muscles in my chest and shoulder are flexing with the strain and effort and I feel a soreness on my chest. I'm certain I'll be bruised in a little bit. Bruised like my wife. Strange fruit. . .  
She watches me, like a lioness ready to pounce. "Will you cum when I say?"  
I nod again, loving how wet with precum my cock is. I look down to watch as my hand slides up and down my shaft quickly and start thrusting my hips a little with each stroke.  
My dick is so lubricated by the precum leaking down, one might wonder if there would be any left to cum. But I knew better, I knew when she let me, I would explode.  
"What's that Jane?"  
"Mmm yes"  
"Yes?"  
"Yes I'll cum. I'll cum when you want. Mmm fuck" and my dick is so sensative I feel like I'll internally combust if it's not soon.   
"I'm throbbing because of you. You're in control, Maura."  
"Why?  
Because I wasn't in control last night?"  
..  
Wait what? When I look back up at her I lose my words."Maur--"  
"Because you were in control last night Jane?  
Because you had to fuck me whether I let you or not?"  
It felt like a ton of bricks crashing onto me. I closed my eyes and sank under the pressure.  
"No keep stroking yourself, Jane."  
I just look up at her begging her not to make me do this but I don't dare open my mouth to speak the words.  
"Do it." She breathes out. Her voice, a whistling, freezing wind commanding me to put my face in the blizzard.  
I look back down at the hand holding the base of my cock, loathing it's offensive errectness.   
"Do it"  
I don't look back up at her but I do start stroking myself again. A tear drops and I just want this to be over now.  
"Does it still feel good, Jane?"  
Fuck. Don't cry. Don't you dare cry.  
"Would you rather fuck me or your hand?"  
I just look at her and she knows I have no answer for her. I don't think she was really looking for one.  
"Cum Jane."  
I open my mouth in surprise but quickly close it as that cold, stone face locks me out again.

I quicken my pace, and settle my eyes back on the front door, I don't want to look at my wife and I don't want to look at myself. I want all of this to disappear.  
But I know that's not how this is going to work..  
..She hadn't been wet at first. Jane remembered that.   
And she had said no. She tried to het her to stop. Jane remembered that too.   
The precum dripping from her now felt like lava. It was too hot. She had to get this over with so she gripped the head of her cock and began pumping her fist.  
"hhm!", she could feel her breaths getting shallower and her abs were tensing with her strokes.   
And then release.   
"ugnnnngh. Oh! Oh fuck. Oh haa!" She opened her mouth wide to get air.  
Hers balls clenched and her cum jetted out of her body.  
Thick, warm goo spraying her hand, her pants and her shirt. She kept stroking her length as she covered herself in cum and groaned in relief as she felt the pressure subsiding.  
When she drained her cock she put her hands flat on either side of her legs. Loving the cold contrast of the floor from her cock and her cum.   
She was still catching her breath when she chanced a glance back to Maura.   
Damn.   
Maura stare leveled her and took her breath away. Her eyes were lit with passionate fury as she watched Jane.   
Who didn't know what to do next. Her boner was disappearing and her cum was soaking into her clothes.  
"Maur--"   
But before Jane could even finish her name Maura got up from her stool and turned and walked back to their spare bedroom without another word.  
Jane flinched at the force closing the door behind her before shaking her head at this mess she was in.  
"FUCK!"


	5. Cinco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where do we go from here?  
> Rizzles angst.

She sat there,   
numb,  
for a while after Maura left the kitchen,   
mumbling to herself in despair.

"Am I a rapist. Do I call myself a rapist?   
Do I go to the police?  
I am the police..  
Oh god." 

Well she wasn't numb anymore.  
The guilt was expanding inside of her and pretty soon, it would reach her toes and be all that she was, but she wasn't going to cry.   
She wasn't going to let herself cry again tonight..   
..She hoped.   
Jane realized the water was running in the guest bathroom so maura was taking a shower and more than likely sleeping in the spare bedroom again. That must be her safe space.  
The room Jane didn't rape her in..  
Jane wanted to get clean too and a shower sounded just about perfect before taking something, anything, from the medicine cabinet and passing out on their bed.  
As she thought about laying down to forget the last 24 hours, she remembered the bedding she left in the washing machine this morning. She checked her watch 9:29pm.  
So the bedding was sitting in the washer for about 12hrs. "Great. I'll probably have to wash them again." She says to herself as she gets up to go to the machine.   
"Oh thank God" she exclaims, shoving the sheets and covers into the dryer when she smells that they're still fresh.   
Coming back to stand in the doorway to the front area of the house,she regards the place she was just sitting before moving further into the room to pick up the shattered pieces of porcelain glass.   
Kneeling down to gather the broken mug, she steadies herself with her hand on the wall, and realizes her hand is right above the stained paint splotch. It's soaked into and darkened the paint in an obvious way.  
"it'll have to be wallpapered or repainted" she sighs to herself, inspecting the stain before standing back up and looking to the pieces in her hand.  
Looking back to the floor she sees there are so many tiny pieces left and picking them all up right now feels impossible. But she had to get started somewhere.   
So, grabbing the Swiffer from the pantry and tossing the pieces from her hand into the trash, she begins to vacuum clean the entire kitchen and then moves to the dining area and around the corner to the living room. It felt compulsive but she didn't want to stop until she had gone over every inch where the glass could have shattered and then some. It took longer than it needed to but the satisfaction she had carrying the Swiffer back to it's place in the pantry made it worth it.  
..  
Now what?  
The house is silent again as Jane moves back to stand in the archway between the wide open and then the more intimate parts of the house.   
The guest room door is dark because the lamp usually illuminating the hallway is off.   
"Everything is off" Jane mumbles as she moves to turn the lamp on. With one more look to the barrier between her and Maura, she faces what lies ahead.   
Shes on autopilot now but there something to be said about flying outside your body, looking down on everything you do. It almost feels like invincibility, but maybe, right now, it's just the inevitability in life.   
All the synapses seem to be igniting with different ideas and scenarios, .. memories.  
She strips slowly, removing the days physical reminders from herself before treading to the medicine cabinet. Washing her throat down at the sink before splashing her face. The water was cold but not refreshing. Not until she was surrounded by it and felt it washing over her.   
She laid down in the tub and wished the water was heavier, her arms were beginning to float upwards.   
Her eyelids did too when she sensed..  
She opens her eyes and see Her.   
She's distorted.  
Is this the pills?  
Jane becomes aware of how weightless her arms are against the rest of her body. They try to pull her up too but Jane stays under the water, looking at that distorted figure. Trying to figure it out.  
Then she reaches in.   
Beautiful wrists, the magician glows in the water and that makes Jane happy.

Maura pulls a sputtering Jane up out of the water, staring as streams fall down her face and she blinks more out of her eyes.  
They keep looking at each other as Jane struggles not to cough but fails and sputters a little as her lungs adjust to fresh oxygen again.  
"I'm- I'm going to stay with Suzie.   
..For a bit."  
Maura stands up away from the tub in order to hold it together as Jane's expression hits her and the surprise and hurt is plain to read. But this isn't about Jane,  
it's because of her.  
"I came in here to tell you before I go."   
She looks on at Jane for another moment before turning to leave.  
"Wait no" Jane reaches out and grabs Maura's wrist. "You're leaving now? right now? When are you coming back? Maura.. I--"  
Maura continues to face away, she's ready to leave but she answers, "Yes. I'm leaving now Jane. I.. don't know when.."  
"Maura please don't go. Please. I need you. I.. I don't want to live without you." And she stands up and out from the water, turning Maura, with an added hand on her hip, to face her as she comes to stand in front of her. She pulls Maura into her own space.   
"I want to work .. to earn your trust back. Maura, I am so sorry i was weak and cruel.. But I love you, and I really," she puts her fingers on the back of Maura's neck with her thumbs on her cheeks, guiding Maura's face up to hers before she finishes, "really don't want to live without you." And she puts a soft kiss on the edge of her lips before giving herself a moment to absorb Maura's gaze.  
Maura let's herself feel it because she knows once she leaves, she'll be cycling between numb and mad as hell.  
And Jane's love still feels like Jane's love. Even if it's tainted love.   
I love the way she pulls me into her.  
When her kisses get frantic and her tongue has to feel mine. Her lips are so soft.  
The moan escapes me before I can stop it but then Jane's cock is pressing into me and our goodbye is done as I step back and her hands drop from my face.  
And I realize my front half is soaked and bits of my hair are wet now too.   
She just keeps looking at me  
"I know you're my better half, Maur."  
"..Jane, I have to go.."  
".. Maura.."  
But Maura turns and this time she leaves the bathroom,   
disappearing into the darkness of their bedroom.  
"MAURAAA!!!!" Jane yells as another tear escapes   
and she stays, rooted in her spot.  
She keeps standing there until one of her synapses sets off an explosion.   
Her feet stumble but she gets to the kitchen as Maura is standing at the open door with a large rolling suitcase by her side.  
She turns back as Jane stops short of the foyer.  
Neither of the say a word, Maura knows there is nothing else to be said now.  
So she whispers, "Goodbye Jane." As she shuts the door behind herself and leaves.  
Jane stays there until the hum of Maura's car until disappears.   
Then she goes back to the medicine cabinet before stumbling to the bed and passing out on the bare mattress.  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just cranked this one out and I like it. Maybe could have gone over it with a fine tooth comb but let me know what you think anyway.  
> Leave a kudos if you enjoy! And stay tuned for more. Follow me on Tumblr  
> @originallycalzona


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grey skies are drifting. Not living Forever.  
> They told me it only gets better.

She hadn't set an alarm but she was up before sunlight anyway.  
She couldn't miss another day of work. She didn't want to.  
So Jane makes her way down town, driving fast pace and seeing no faces pass before she gets to Boston Police Department.  
Maura isn't there. She tried to stay away but before half the work day was done..,  
Jane finds herself standing alone in the dark of Maura's office.  
Thoughts are rushing through her mind, crashing into each other. 

Jane didnt hear when she was joined in the room  
She was startled from her thoughts when the lights suddenly came on  
And she heard,  
"..Hey."  
She turns to see the medical examiner before her.  
Jane clears.her throat and responds,  
"hey Chang", Wiping the tears away quickly, "Susie. Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good, Jane. How are you doing?" She sounds concerned  
but Jane doesn't know how much Maura has or hasn't said.  
"I'm alright Suzie. .. did.. did um.. is Maura.. she said she was going to stay with you  
..Did she stay with you last night?"  
"...I don't know if I should say.."  
..."I just want to know she's okay, I'm not going to go over there.  
She gets to be alone.  
If she doesn't want to be near me.."  
Another tear falls as Jane goes to sit in Mauras chair, "She gets to be alone."  
"She is safe, I just heard from her, I called her about a case not long ago."  
Jane smiled at that, she knew Maura loved her work so she hated feeling like she was interfering with what Maura loved to do,  
But the workaholic in her probably enjoyed doing the consults, senior criminalist chang knew her boss well.  
"Thank you Suzie."  
The doctor just smiled back before leaving the room to get back to work.  
Something Jane needs to do too.  
She feels she has a bit more control over sadistic murderers than her own life right now.  
...  
Jane was sat on one of the benches behind BPD,  
something she had never done, with case files spread out before her.  
Her thoughts would betray her when she thought about calling Maura for assistance  
only to remember the reason she  
Was currently sat outside was because her and Maura weren't talking.  
Still, work was a pretty good therapy and Jane was getting lost in the routine.  
She didn't notice right away when Frankie appeared to her right with a coffee.  
It was a nice gesture from him, "Thanks Frankie."  
Jane accepts the cup and sets it on the bench beside her,  
looking back to the papers on her lap.  
Frankie stays standing for a moment,  
looking over Jane's shoulder before joining her on the bench.  
"I'm sorry Jane. I really shouldn't have lost my cool on you like that.  
You didn't deserve it.."  
She looks to her little brother who is looking at his shoes with the meekest look on his face,  
she puts her arm around him and pulls him in.  
"You're forgiven, Frankie. I shouldn't have snapped on you either--"  
"I'm really embarrassed Janie. Ma didn't raise us to fight like that."  
"I know." And once again, her thoughts settle on her own transgressions.  
What would her mother say. 

They stay sat together in silence for a few minutes,  
just listening to the city around them before Frankie breaks the silence,  
"What made you want to work outside? I don't think I've ever seen you out here.."  
She looks over to him before answering,".. just a lot on my mind. A lot."  
"Do you want to talk about it? Is Maura okay? I noticed Chang is running her department today.."  
Now she can't meet his eyes.  
She leans her elbows on her lap, leaning forward slightly and resting her chin in her hands,  
Looking straight ahead at the old oak tree, leaves rustling in the breeze, "I don't know.."  
He tries to meet her eyes but she won't look his way, he continues anyway, "Are you guys okay? Did something happen?  
..Jane?"  
"I.. I don't know how to talk about it yet.."  
This time Frankie puts his arm around Jane, pulling her into him before he tells her, "It'll be okay Janie. You and Maura love each other.  
I'm sure whatever it is, you guys are going to work it out."  
It feels so good to be embraced but she knows he might have a different tune if he knew the truth.  
"I really, really hope you're right, Frankie." She responds, eyes shining with tears when she finally meets her brother's gaze.  
..  
"You'll come to me when you're ready, right? Jane... Right?"  
She gives him a slight smile as he stood prepared to leave, she prepared to resume work.  
"I will. I promise. .. Thank you, Frankie."  
He just gives her a smiling smirk before turning to leave.  
Well that forgiveness wasn't so hard she thinks to herself, picking up the coffee Frankie got for her.  
Taking a long swallow she hopes will reinvigorate her to solve the puzzle of the case files on her lap.  
She's grateful for Frankie's thoughtfulness but her mind has once again been consumed by her sad state of affairs and she wishes she could shut that part of her brain off while she was working.  
...  
The hours pass in the uneventful day, she talked to her mom before she left, who tried to get Jane to tell her what was wrong but Jane didn't know how to talk about what she did.  
She was ashamed of herself, the last thing she wanted was to face other people's judgement.  
And from her family?  
She knew she'd have to face the music eventually but for right now, she was relieved to be pulling into her driveway and officially in her own world.  
Her relief faded though when she remembers why Maura's car isn't in the garage.  
It's weird, because Instead of buying a new house when they got married, they made Maura's house into theirs and now Maura wasn't even here.  
It smells like Maura, and it feels like home because all their stuff is here but Maura isn't.  
"fuck." Jane says to herself, walking into the empty house.  
Emotional exhaustion spreading down her neck to her shoulders as she let's her bag and keys drop to the floor. She walks to the guest bedroom and falls onto the pillows, taking a deep breath.  
It smells faintly of Maura. Or Jane wants it to, but either way she's gathering as much comfort from the pillow as she can.  
The bed was made when she got in but the day caught up with her when she layed down so she got under the covers and sleep came right after.  
When she woke again the house was dark, and Jane was disoriented at first.  
She hadn't spent too much time in the guest room during the day, even less at night.  
It all came back to her as she got up to head to the master bedroom, running into the hallway table as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and turned the lamp on.  
When she got to the room she could sense something was different as soon as she turned on the light.  
She stopped short but couldn't figure it out.  
Until she looked to the bed and saw the sheets had been put on and the bed was made- Maura was here.  
Why didn't she stay..  
Jane went to sit on the bed and pulled out her phone to dial Maura,  
She didn't answer.  
She kept the phone to her ear when she heard Maura's voice, you've reached the voicemail box of "Maura Isles, I am not able to answer the phone right now, please leave your name, call back number and a brief message."  
And then Jane lost all the words she wanted to say so she went with what was at the forefront, "I miss you.  
Please come home."  
And as she hung up she got an epiphany, Maura's tortise. She had forgotten about him and realized she hadn't seen him  
She searched the whole house and couldn't find him.  
Her next move was to panic but reason suggested Maura had probably come while she was at work to get him.  
"She doesn't trust me with her freaking turtle!" but jane knew she'd never actually looked after the creature alone.  
Her next thought is even more panicked, because why would Maura come and get her turtle? This cant be permanent, can it?  
Immediately Jane heads to the armoire Maura keeps for her nighties and more intimate silks and lace.  
The relief is palpable as Jane let's out the breath she didn't know she was holding. The clothes are still in their place on hangers.  
Jane runs her fingers over the garments, stopping at her favorite thus far. She pulls the turquoise green sheer neglige off it's hanger and admires it as she flashes back to the first time she saw it a week ago..

 

Maura may have feigned innocence but she definitely knew the affect she would have on Jane when she came into the kitchen that morning and nonchalantly started making coffee. Jane was sat at one of the bar stools reading the Boston Times newspaper with a bagel when Maura came in.  
"Good morning babe." She came up to Jane and gave her a kiss on the cheek before moving around to the other side of the island to prepare coffee. Jane, who already had the French press ready for her had yet to say anything.  
Her mind was being consumed by the feast her eyes had before them.  
Maura had on lace undies to match and Jane just wanted to touch her everywhere.  
She found her voice, "That new?"  
Maura met her eyes briefly to respond, "mmhm." before looking back to what she was doing.  
Jane watched for a moment more before getting up to round the island, stopping short of Maura and appreciating the beautiful view. The sun was shining on them and Maura truly looked like an angel in the radience. She looked over to Jane,briefly again as she inserted the plunger and stopped short of the coffee.  
Jane didn't want to wait anymore, she came up behind her wife and breathed her in as her hands came to rest on Maura's hips, pulling the shorter woman against her body. Her excitement was plain to feel and Maura's breath hitched at the contact.  
"Thanks for waiting for me to finish prepping the coffee." She breathed out before Jane turned her around and picked her up to sit her on the island. Placing her claimxX

 

Jane was swimming in the memory but reality came crashing down with the realization she may never see Maura in anything like this again. How quickly her life has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life man.


	7. Siete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Georgia.  
>  _Georgia_

She checked the closet for the rest of Maura's clothes and was again relieved to see the majority of them still in their place and on hangers. She put her face in them and as the fabric brushed and tickled her face she wished deeply for her wife to come home. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura was determined to get the diaper on Bass before Suzie got in, but she had definitely underestimated the difficulty of putting a diaper on a creature who doesn't want to stand still, let alone have a diaper on, plus she may have gotten a size too small.

A part of her knows she'll need to go back to the store but a part of her knows it would be simpler to just use tape.  
She sighs in frustration as she let's the tortise go. He walks a few feet away before the diaper falls off and he walks out of it. She hasnt had to use diapers in a long time because Bass was trained to use pee pads but he isn't adjusting well to the new environment  
Maura, watching on, glares at the creature when he starts peeing right where he is standing.  
"Bass. No." She groans , jumping to her feet to intervene but there isn't much to be done.  
This is, of course, when Suzie walks in the door.

She comes to stand beside Maura as the two watch the tortise relieve his very full bladder on the floor.  
Suzie turns to Maura, "I saw Jane..  
She looks like she's having a hard time.. with whatever is going on."  
Maura doesn't say anything.  
..  
"I know you don't want to talk about it, and don't get me wrong I’m happy you trust me with your department but..  
I mean you've got to come back to work eventually, right?"

"I'm still wrapping my head around it all, Suzie.  
I ..  
I need to go to the store.  
I'll clean this up first." And she goes down the hall to retrieve a towel, she hears,  
"Okay Maura." Before Chang goes to her bedroom.

20minutes later Maura finds herself in the grocery store parking lot because the pet store she went to has apparently sold out of extra large diapers, so she must shop the human store. She chuckles to herself wondering what people will think of her carrying a large pack of diapers.  
As she is pulling into a spot she spies a very familiar looking car. She brushes off the coincidence before entering the store and heading straight for the diapers; which were in stock.  
She browses a little before she decides to stop wasting time and buy the diapers already.  
As she's heading to checkout she catches a glimpse of a very familiar looking head of hair before it disappears down asile 11.  
She stops short in a bit of panic as she isn't sure what her next move should be.  
She takes a moment to gather herself as sounds come back into focus and she moves the diapers to rest under her other arm. 

As she approaches the aisle she confirms it was Jane she saw. Maura watches as Jane browses at the end of the lane, oblivious to her audience as she grabs something from the shelf and haphazardly lands it in the cart before turning out of the aisle and from view.  
Maura rushes after her, pausing when she reaches the spot Jane was just in. It smells like Jane right here and just as Maura turns the aisle to spot Jane, her trepedation turns into something else. She spies the proximity of a stranger to her wife and doesn't like it at all. Janes has her back to Maura but Maura can see the smiling face of the stranger who has her hand on Jane's arm and a sweet smile, clearly making eyes at Jane. It's instinct that takes over as Maura approaches and catches wind of the conversation.  
"Wow your eyes are gorgeous."  
"Thanks" Jane responds, looking at the girl.  
"And you have dimples. Oh gosh. I bet you have the whole package."  
"Uhmm" Jane laughs in nervousness. Not knowing what to say back.  
This makes the girl smile more and that makes Maura hate her more.  
"Why don't you let me take you out sometime? Or you could just come over to my place? We'll open a bottle of wine, I can cook for you.. " Maura hears the girl say as she stops behind the pair, glaring, waiting for the girl to pick up what she's putting down.  
"Oh. No. No thank you. I am happily married." Jane says showing her wedding band.  
Maura is stunned to see the brazen girl just step closer before remarking, "I don't see your husband anywhere."

"But her wife is right here." Maura decides to let her presence be known causing Jane to whirl around in surprise.  
"Maura" she whispers reverently. Surprised her wife is actually right here.  
Jane's smile is small but the longer she stares at Maura, the bigger it grows.  
Maura looks at her before fixing her eyes on the young girl who hasn't got the hint yet.  
The girl just looks from Maura to Jane and back to Maura before she says,  
"Okay, wrong tree. I gotcha." And she is on her way. Can't blame a girl for trying.  
"Hey" Jane says when they're alone and she has Maura's full attention.  
"Hi Jane." Maura says, not sure of what else she should say now. "I saw you and.."  
"You look... ," Jane interrupts but finds herself searching for words, "amazing." She finishes which causes Maura to let out a self deprecating laugh because she knows she looks like crap. Not to mention the extra large diapers she has under her arm. But she knows somehow Jane sees more and means what she says  
"How are you? And did you get Bass? I'm really hoping you did because a big ass turtle is hard to miss but I haven't seen him anywhere.." Jane finishes  
"You know he's a tortise, Jane. And yes I came and picked him up so he wouldn't die from you feeding him Pizza and chinese food."  
"Well I'm sure Bass isn't happy about that, he loves pizza and Chinese food." Jane jokes. And she finally takes her eyes from Maura's face and spies the diapers, "What's up with the diapers Maur?"  
"Bass isn't used to his new environment so he's marking his territory. Or maybe he's just pissed with me, I haven't figured out which.."  
"That's because his territory is back at home with me. Where you live." Jane mumbles causing Maura to sigh and take a step back resituating the diapers in her arms again nervously.  
"Okay I'm sorry." Jane adds. "Its so good to see you, so I'm not trying to push you away. .."  
Maura nods in acknowledgement and holds Jane's stare before looking back to the diapers.  
"I should probably get back before Bass claims Suzie's entire apartment as his own."  
"Can I come with you?"  
.."Jane.." Maura starts.  
"No I don't mean back to the apartment I mean to checkout. Can I walk you to your car?"  
She deliberates for a moment before agreeing.  
As the two walk towards the front of the store to check out, Jane nabs the diapers out of her wife's hands and tosses them into the cart.  
Meeting Maura's eyes she can see the protest beginning so she asks first, "Please.,  
Just stay with me while I ring all this up, let me buy Bass's diapers and walk you out to your car."

She isn't trying to be sweet or chivalrous, Jane just realizes how precious this unexpected time with Maura is and wants to prolong the inevitable departure for as long as possible.  
"Okay." Maura acquiesces, watching Jane put the groceries on the conveyor belt much the way they were put in the cart. Looking over the items Maura feels kind of guilty. This is what Jane was planning to eat? Frozen TV dinners and canned soups. There were a few boxes of rice but nothing that would have made it to the table if they were shopping together. Jane could cook but they usually cooked together and balanced each other out when shopping and in the kitchen.  
The cashier speaking stole Maura from her thoughts, "Big dog?" He asked Jane.  
"Tortise."  
"Tortise." Jane smiled, hearing Maura answer as well.

When it was all paid for and the cart was put away  
Jane tried to carry all of the groceries outside herself but Maura was able to get the diapers and another bag out of her grip.  
After getting the majority of bags into Jane's back seat,  
they walked in silence to Maura's car. Once there Maura hesitated while Jane put the bag in the front seat. She didn't know what she was hesitant for because once the car door was shut back and they were faced with one another once again, Maura couldn't think of what she should say or if she should just leave.  
Jane looked like she was trying to hide her pain but they were so close and the streetlights had just come on, illuminating Jane's silent discomfort. She looked at Maura for a bit before getting fidgety and looking to the store they just left, watching people leave with full bags or rush in expectation of the things to get.

But Maura was in pain too. She felt lost and didn't know what to do to find her way. She was overthinking everything.  
But tonight in the blue hour Jane just looked beautiful to her. A Street lamp was sharing it's light and the pain on Jane's face was as if Michaelangelo had painted it himself, her face was beautiful.  
Maura's aching heart loved her wife and for a moment, only a moment, that was all her mind remembered.  
"I should go now." Maura breaks the silence, bringing Jane's attention back to the current situation.  
"Right." Jane takes a step back looking up to the sky, wishing things were different.

She is surprised when Maura steps into her space and leans her head against her chest, resting her hands on Jane's hips and breathing her in.  
Her emotions rise and swell when Jane's arms close around her and she rests her head on Maura's shoulder.  
Maura can feel light caresses on her waist and the nape of her neck as Jane's fingers tighten to pull Maura impossibly closer but quietly dance in excitement as well.  
Maura clears her throat and they both losen their grip and step apart.

"Thanks for letting me walk you to your car.  
And for not ignoring me in the store." Jane speaks first. "It was the best surprise I could have gotten." She smiles.  
..  
Maura cant help but match her smile before she responds, "Yeah, it was. It was good to see you..  
Take care of yourself, Jane." Then Maura rounds the car and gets in. Jane waits until she pulls out of the parking spot before making her way over to her own car.  
The elevation from seeing Maura and getting to hold her is quickly fading as Jane realizes she heading back to her own personal hell.  
She sits in the driver's seat for a minute, just letting the tears fall before she decides it's time to get some help. She starts the car up and heads to the one place she knows she can always go.  
Walking up the steps to the front door she composes herself before ringing the doorbell.  
She hears footsteps before the door opens to reveal the warmness that will always be home.  
"Jane?" Angela questions  
And then the tears return, "I messed up ma."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always stay tuned.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling

"Jane I just can't believe you!" As more yelling was directed at her, Jane was coming to the conclusion that telling her mom may have been a mistake. Jane had only been here for 10 minutes but Angela has been yelling for 5.  
When Jane had finally been able to get the tears under control and get the words out to explain the past few days to her mom it started an explosion.  
Angela had been worried at first; To see her first born, tired and bruised and coming to her in tears.  
She didn't know what to expect when she got Jane to stop crying but what she heard blew her away.  
Now she was pacing and yelling at Jane with no perceivable end.  
"Ma.."  
"No Jane! I didn't raise you to treat anyone like this and you do it to your wife! No wonder she left you!"  
"..Ma she--"  
"What are you doing with your life Jane?!"  
*Pause*  
Jane took a breath, gauging whether she should actually speak but her mother beat her to the punch.  
"Just like your father."

That one hurt,  
on many levels.  
"I'm not giving up on my family. I messed up but I guess since I'm not Tommy you have no forgiveness for me "  
Angela came to stand in front of Jane on the couch, leaning down as her words came out calm for the first time since she started yelling,  
"It's not me who you need forgiveness from, Jane."  
She was right

"I know. I know that, I just didn't expect you to bite my head off and make me feel worse. I miss her--"  
"Well Jane, it's hard to stay calm when your kid tells you they're separating from their wife because they raped her."  
Jane couldn't help but flinch at the verb and how it was now associated to her.  
"We're not separated."  
Jane was aggravated by the implication. She hadn't been able to have that sort of conversation with Maura and wasn't going to assume the worst. Any hope was better than none but coming to her mom for more was just stressing her out.  
"Well.." Was all Angela said, throwing her hands up in exasperation before she came to sit beside Jane on the couch.  
She looked at her daughter for a moment before putting her arm around her shoulders and pulling her to her chest.  
"I'm sorry Jane. I hope you two can learn and get through this because that woman is your other half. I know it Janie.  
..  
I just can't believe.." but she could tell Jane was crying again and didn't want to keep adding to it, so she just held her and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to comfort her grief stricken daughter.  
"I can't believe I did either.." Jane whispers clinging onto her mother as she wallowed in her sorrow.  
"Tomorrow will be better.  
Tonight wasn't that great but tomorrow will be better, Janie.  
I love you."  
"I love you too Ma. Thank you." Jane says sitting back up and wiping away tears.  
"If you're not on call, when you guys get off work tomorrow, you can extend an invitation to Maura and we can have dinner together.. get some tension out of the way.Maybe move things along..?"  
Jane appreciated the gesture but really didn't think it would help.  
"I.. don't know if she'll be interested in that. I don't know what she wants but it doesn't seem like she's ready to spend more than 5 minutes with me. She hasn't been to work since.. ..and I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to overstep or force it by bringing you in.."  
"Jane."  
"What?"  
"Do you want to get your wife back?"  
"Yes. Of course why would you even --"  
"Then you've got to show her you deserve her, though I'm not sure you do"  
"..Ma"  
"I'm not talking romance, I mean you've got to be what she needs. You've got to do better. That includes working less hours and maybe trading in the gun for a desk job."  
"Ma."  
Angela sighs as she pulls Jane to her again, "Can't blame your mother for trying right?"  
"Nope."Jane smiles,  
"You're gonna be fine kid." Angela finishes with a kiss to Jane's forehead as she get back up from the couch.  
"Come in the kitchen I'll get you something to eat. You're too skinny Jane." Angela says as she disappears into the kitchen.  
Jane can feel weight lifting from her shoulders, at least a small bit of it anyway and releases a heavy breath before she stands to follow her mother to the kitchen.

When Jane was finished eating, Angela made them both tea with camomile and honey to relax and get a good night sleep.  
Jane told her mother; she told everyone, she was taking care of herself but Angela felt better when she herself or Maura was there to care for only daughter too. Jane was a grown woman but she wasnt as concerned with herself sometimes as a mother would like. And now, clearly, the past few days have been affecting Jane and Angela wanted to see her daughter happy.  
"Did you put anything on that bruise Jane?"  
"Yes I made a salve and left in on my face for a day."  
"Really?" Angela responds, excited about Jane finally listening to her advice about bruises  
"No. Of course not. They're fine Ma. They don't even hurt." Jane trying to avoid the situation drinks more from her mug.  
"Really?" Angela asks, not letting it go. "Does it hurt when I do that!" And she poked Jane in the middle of the fading bruise on her cheek  
It hurt a lot more than Jane expected, "Ow! Jeez. Come on."  
"Don't lie about pain Jane." Angela retorts  
"I'm fine.."  
..  
.."Have you seen her? Or talked to her since she left?"  
"The bruise is probably from Frankie punching me in the face--"  
Angela scoffs at that. Jane has definitely gotten frankie in trouble tonight as well by not leaving their bar fight out. He would have to face the music with their mom too.  
"But Maura did hit you and I've seen her box, Jane. ."  
Jane searches her mother's face before speaking. They both knew Maura was a formidable fighter, despite any assumptions made from her very feminine appearance.  
She was formally trained in different combat styles and could definitely take a person down. "She wasn't beating me up. I'd look worse than this."Jane chuckles. Knowing she wasn't going to show her mother what Maura actually taking her anger out looked like on her chest  
Angela continues to look at her, not as okay with it as Jane seems to be.  
"I did talk to her though..  
I saw her.  
Tonight, actually.  
At the grocery store." Jane smiles remembering how beautiful Maura looked before going into every detail of her encounter with her mother.  
...  
*Later after Jane decided to stay and sleep on the couch instead of driving back to her empty house*  
"I just want her back home.." Jane says as she gets comfortable laying on the couch.  
"Don't give up Janie." Angela says as she comes to give Jane a kiss goodnight. "Do you need anything?"  
"No Ma. I'm good." Jane smiles as warmth fills her.  
She drifts off feeling better about what the future may hold.  
...  
Waking up in her mother's apartment was not as relaxing as it could have been due to the usual antics of mother and daughter but Jane was grateful for her mother either way. Though she felt temporarily more grateful for the fresh coffee infusing her soul.  
She had a few hours before she had to go to work and was going to stay for breakfast with her mom.  
The kitchen was filling with delicious smells and her mouth was watering in anticipation of the homecooked breakfast.  
The food was just being served when a knock caught their attention. Jane looked to her mother with a question in her eyes.  
"Jane will you get that, it's probably Frankie."  
"What?" Jane says getting up to go to the door.  
"You two need to make up. No Rizzolis fighting."  
"Ma we already made up.." Jane says going to open the door for her brother.  
"Oh." Was all she heard before she let Frankie in.  
"Hey Frankie."  
"Hey Jane. Wow. That bruise is looking pretty sick" he says inspecting closer. "I'm sorry Janie"  
"it's fine Frankie. Next time I may have to kick your ass though." They both laughed at that but Angela's gasps brought their attention to her distress, "Next time?! There will be no next time.  
FRANKIE! I have so many words for you young man."  
Jane just looked to her brother with a smug look as she tried to leave the situation to head back to the kitchen. "And you Jane.. my kids. I don't know what's gotten into you two lately--"  
"Ma I already apologized to her." Frankie began defending himself. "I got out of hand the other night and don't plan to repeat it."  
"Look at your sister's face! Not acceptable. You guys are too old to be fighting each other."  
"Ma, we're fine." Jane steps in. "It was the situation and, a one time thing."  
"Sometimes one time is all it takes." Came her mother's pointed response right back at her.  
Jane just sighs exaggeratedly and moves on to the kitchen, leaving a confused Frankie to wonder what he's missing.

The pair join Jane in the kitchen for breakfast and Frankie tries to figure out what else is going on.  
"So.." he starts once they all have started eating. "Did you make any of mom's magic bruise cream for your face Janie?"  
Jane responds with a grimace as she is still irritated with her mom throwing her situation with Maura in her face.  
"What did Maura say?"  
Now he knows something is up because both Jane and their mom stopped eating and looked rather uncomfortable.  
"what? What did I say?" He asks, bewildered by the sudden shift.  
"I'm the one who has to face the music for what I did to you as long as you wear that bruise on your face..  
Wait! Did that have something to do with whatever is going on with you guys??" Frankie asks, suddenly anxious about the implication of him contributing to Maura and Jane fighting.  
"What? No. Of course not Frankie." Jane quickly responds. She hadn't thought much about her fight with Frankie given what else was going on but as it was presented to her, she did think about how her fight with Frankie definitely contributed to her deciding to get plastered. "It probably didn't help" Jane finishes looking down at her food.  
Frankie paused, "Are you guys okay? It's nothing serious right?" He looks between the two women waiting for an answer but Jane doesn't meet his eyes so he looks to his mom.  
"What is it? I feel like something else is going on here."  
"Do you want to tell him?" Angela asks Jane.  
"Ma!" Jane exclaims at being put on blast  
"Jane! I didn't say anything." Angela chastises, "calm down."  
"What?" Frankie asks, completely lost.  
.."Frankie.. I.. I made a mistake."  
Angela scoffs from her side of the table, earning a glare from Jane.  
"I really messed up and I.. I hurt Maura.."  
Frankie seemed concerned but didn't know the depth of Jane's transgression and tried to lighten the mood,  
"What? Did you dent the Bentley?..No wait. Did you cheat? Jane, you cheated?" He asked in disbelief  
"Noo. Of course I didn't cheat. I'm married, not messing around. What kind of person do you think I am?"  
Angela scoffs again but Jane ignores her this time.  
"Well then what did you do? What? Did you hit her?" He asks, nervous for the answer.  
"No, Frankie." Jane answers, meeting his eyes before looking down again.  
"What..?" He says realizing how shameful Jane now looks. But when she doesn't meet his eyes again he looks to their mother who now looks reserved too.  
The gears are turning and Frankie doesn't want to believe what they're landing on.  
"Jane.."  
"I hurt her real bad Frankie and I'm just.. trying to work it out.."  
And now, even though he didn't want to believe it, Frankie was pretty sure he knew what had happened.  
He just stared at Jane before he got up and started heading to the door shocking the two still sitting.  
"Frankie where are you going?!"Angela asks  
"Frankie.." Jane pleads, but recognizes the disappointment and hurt on his face. She let him down.  
"I .. I gotta get to the station, I'll see y'all later." And he shuts the door.  
Jane is floored. She didn't know what to expect, she hadn't even planned to say anything but Frankie's reaction was weighing on her. "Great! Another person in my family I've let down." She decided it was as good a time as any now to go home and get ready for work. A glimmer of hope that Maura may be back invigorated her to get there quicker. She helped clean the kitchen before she left, motivated to just keep moving forward.  
When she got to BPD her mind automatically shifted to work mode and she got right into it.  
But with her first trip downstairs,.Jane could feel the nerves waving through her. She knew Maura came in today because her car was in the parking lot, which Jane rarely used but had been recently motivated to after being towed one too many times.  
She had put off coming down here for as long as she could but reasoned that she could really use Maura's expertises and bit the bullet.  
Coming down the hall to the medical examiner offices she expected to find Maura in the autopsy room or a lab but instead was surprised to find her in her office. With Frankie.  
Maura looks up when she sees Jane saunter through the door and come to stand a little behind Frankie who is sitting across from Maura at her desk.  
Frankie just looks back at his sister for a moment before looking to Maura.  
"Um Hi guys." Jane offers, unsure about the energy in the room.  
"Thank you Frankie."Maura starts again, "I appreciate your concern."  
"No problem Maura." He says getting up, "You need anything.. let me know."  
And he walks past Jane without a word.  
"Come on Frankie." Jane tries but Frankie brushes her off and walks out.  
Jane watches him go before plopping down in the empty chair with a loud sigh.  
"You told him." Maura states.  
"Yeah and my mom. We had breakfast this morning and she kind of twisted my arm to tell him.  
It wasn't easy telling her but he.. I didn't expect him to act like this."  
"You really let him down, Jane."  
"I know. And I'm sorry about that but it's not his business. I'm trying to do what's right and he's acting like I punched him in the face. It's just feels like a lot of things are blowing up in my face"  
It was hard to admit it but Maura was expecting Jane to come see her-- for any reason, and she would have been disappointed if Jane had failed her expectations. It was confusing because of what Jane has done to her and their marriage-- And no one was coming to simplify it for her, but despite Jane hurting her, Maura still had an undeniable desire to see her wife and make sure she was okay. "How's your chest? Anything like that one?" Maura asks pointing to the fading bruise marking the side of Jane's face.  
"It's fine Maura. How are you doing?"  
Maura sees through the deflection, and gets up and rounds the desk before coming to sit on the edge in front of Jane.  
Who can't help but let her eyes soak up Maura's figure, barely 12 inches away from her. Jane's body becoming aware of the distance and how much she wants to grab a hold of that blue fabric resting right above Maura's knees and pull it up Maura's thighs so she can bury her face in between her favorite legs, but she just looks up to meet Maura's gaze. "I'm fine Jane. Now Let me see."  
Jane holds her eyes for a moment more before bringing her hands up to her collar and pulling down to reveal the horrible looking bruises on her chest.  
"Oh Jane." Maura says looking closer. The bruise on Jane's face is already fading but her chest looks like it's only just stopped bleeding. The bruises, mostly purple but still red around the edges, cover a large portion of Jane's chest and must be painful.  
"I'm sorry Jane."  
This day is thowing Jane's mental state all around.  
"What? Why? Maura Please.. don't apologize to me. "  
And Maura meets Jane's eyes again.  
"Wait here and take off your shirt" Maura says, closing the blinds to her office and her door when she leaves the room and a confused Jane who does as she's told, removing her shirt.  
When Maura comes back into the room she locks the door and puts the gloves in her hands on and comes to sit back on the edge of her desk in front of Jane. Unwrapping the tube in her hands and uncapping it as she looks to Jane. "This is going to be cool at first, and then it will warm up and you can wash it off."  
"Maura, I don't want to smell like bengay for the rest of the day."  
"It's not bengay, Jane. It's going to work on your bruises. Here" Maura puts a dollop on her gloved fingers before gingerly rubbing it in  
Jane keeps watching her face, soaking up the intimacy, and nervous. She clears her throat when she sees Maura is finishing. "We're like Mr. And Mrs. Smith."  
"The spy couple who tries to kill each other?"  
"Yeah but they end up patching each other up right"  
"hmm I guess that's better than Thelma and Louise. I love you Jane but I don't know if I'm ready to start committing a string of murders and being on the lam."  
Jane can't help but beam at that before she replies "But it's such a good ending."  
Maura smiles too before asking, "Is it warming up yet?"  
"Yeah.." but Jane isn't thinking about cream. She feels high but it's just Maura.  
Her favorite drug.  
"You told Angela what happened?" Maura asks  
"I had to..it's hard to feel like I'm doing anything right these days but this felt right."  
"how did that go?" Maura asks, leaning back.  
"Um.. could have been better.. could have been worse. But my mother Is definitely on your side for this one.  
..  
Are you okay"  
"Yes. Why do you ask?" Maura asks thrown off by the question.  
"Because of what happened Maura.." Jane says, still ashamed to talk about it. "Some of it is still fuzzy but what I remember is..horrible." It's hard for her to keep eye contact but Jane doesn't want to avoid any of this interaction.." I hurt you.. really bad, mentally, and physically.. emotionally so I just want to know that you're.. how are you doing?"  
"I'm doing okay.. Suzie is very accommodating.  
.. I miss you."  
"Then come back to me. Please. I know I don't deserve you, you are so good. Believe me I know you can't just forget this but Maura I love you and I want to do everything in my power to earn your forgiveness. I want you to believe in me."  
Now Maura was having a hard time keeping tears at bay  
"I wish I could. Just forget. You've changed me Jane."  
"Maura.."  
"I'm trying to take care of myself right now. And it's not easy but it's less difficult when I make myself deal with what happened...  
You forced me to have sex."  
Jane visably cringed  
"..but I do forgive you. I know that's not who you want to be. ..I don't think we should really talk about it here.."  
"No I understand, uh.. I told her you probably wouldn't go for it but my mom actually suggested we could have dinner together tonight.. maybe we could talk then?"  
...  
"Okay."  
"Wh--okay?"  
"Yes, now we should probably get this cream off of you."  
"Well I can't exactly prance out in the hallway without my shirt on so how are you getting this off?"  
"Jane! I didn't know you pranced."  
"aha" Jane jokes back "I'll go get something to clean this up with"  
She returns a few moments later with towels and warm water.  
"Come here" she commands, putting the supplies on the table as she sits on the couch.  
...  
Leaving the office Jane had to smile at life. Her mother was right, the day was turning out to be way better than the one before.  
She had a date with Maura and her mother tonight and would finally be able to get some sort of resolve about their future.  
That was one weight taken off her shoulders and her chest definitely felt better..  
She still had Frankie to figure out but it was time to get back to work, she would have to deal with Rizzoli family drama later.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story comes from a dark place and can be mentally draining to work out into cohesive plot. sometimes I'm writing all day and sometimes I can't even get two sentences out, So thank you to everyone still sticking with the story.  
> I know how frustrating waiting can be but I do have more to write for this tale and will continue piecing the fragments together to share with you all until I feel this story is completed -OC

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX  
The first day back to work was a slow one so I ended the day around 3, hoping to beat some of the city traffic.  
Suzie's apartment was empty, as I expected, when I arrived so I decided to relax on the couch before I had to be back out at Angela's house for this mediated dinner in a couple of hours..  
My body hit the couch and melts into the cushion. Some TV drama starts playing in front of me and I resent that I'll have to get back up soon.  
I wonder if Jane is still at work..

XxaxxxfewxxxhoursxxxlaterxxX

When I arrive to Angela's apartment I am greeted by the smell of food as Angela invites me in, I can see Jane through the kitchen archway from my vantage and I see she still has on the clothes she wore to work.  
She must have come straight here instead of going home when she got off.  
Angela was saying something I wasn't hearing.  
Jane came into the room setting food dishes on the table. She looks over to the pair still near the door and smiles before heading back into the kitchen.  
"Lets go make sure Janie isn't mixing everyone's food for them."  
Maura's head snaps back to the woman she was ignoring, "hmm?"  
Angela just smiles and begins walking to the kitchen with Maura following behind, "Did Jane ever tell you why she hasn't been allowed to set food out since she was 10?" Angela asks.  
\--"I've set food out since then." Jane chimes in when the pair step into the kitchen.  
"No, she hasn't told me. Why?" Maura asks.  
"Well when Jane was young she always wanted to feel like she was helping. So we gave Jane the job of setting the food out for dinner.  
It didn't last long. Jane is in the kitchen, 'helping' and the rest of us were waiting for Jane to finish so we could eat but Jane's idea of helping was mixing all of the food into one dish so it would be easier to eat, and then standing in the kitchen and eating her masterpiece, and the desert."  
\--"I got the best part of the raspberry pie too." Jane adds before heading back to the dining room with a plate of duck meat.  
"She just has her own way of getting things done." Maura smiles.  
"I'll say." Angela responds looking to Maura who is spying pictures stuck to the fridge framing Jane, Frankie, and Tommy in their younger years. ..  
Maura suddenly felt Angela's presence very close to her.  
“I don’t know what to say..  
here we go  
..Maura I’m so sorry.”  
I see how hard this is for her to talk about, it’s hard for everyone to talk about.  
I try to reassure her, “It’s okay, Angela.”  
Her stare intensifies and now it looks as if she may cry. emotions. Emotions.  
“..It’s not.  
It’s not okay Maura.”  
Her stare is so penetrating and uncomfortable but I don’t look away.  
“It’s not okay but..” I still love her.  
“..we’re figuring it out. We’re doing something.. . ”I finish, looking back at the pictures of the Rizzoli children.  
I understand now it’s the pity in her eyes making me uncomfortable.  
Do I sound crazy for wanting to stay with Jane?--Must be struck with Stockholm Syndrome.  
“Whatever I can do for you, Sweetie. . You let me know” She squeezes my arms for comfort as I nod my aggreance.  
Just then Jane stepped into the kitchen wringing her hands and stealing our attention as she looks between her mother and I.  
She forces a smile before gesturing back to the archway she just entered through and speaking,  
“The table is all set, so..uh.. We can eat now.”  
“Wonderful” Angela starts making her way to the dining room.  
“Good” And I follow Angela into her dining room, glancing at Jane as I pass by.  
She smiles my way but her smile is uneasy.  
I can hear that she stays in the kitchen instead of following as Angela and I come to sit in front of a bounty of store prepared comfort food.  
Just as I sit down I notice there are only water glasses on the table.  
Where is the wine?  
"I'm just going to go get--" I start to explain to Angela as I stand back up to get a bottle of wine, but stop short when I see Jane returning with a bottle of red and 3 glasses.  
She glances my way briefly before awkwardly looking to the glasses in her hand.  
I just sit back down as Jane places glasses in front of her mother and I and then one where she is going to sit.  
None of us have opted to sit next to each other.  
It isn't a big table but seats 6 and we've managed to separate ourselves as individual parties here with jane sitting to my right at the head of the table and Angela sitting across from me on another side.  
The tension is palpable and any of the knives set out would cut straight through it.  
Jane put the wine down in the middle of the table, within reach of all three women but didn't pour any and is instead staring at the bottle.  
"Um, this looks really good. Thank you so much Angela, for having us over.." I finish and look back to Jane who is still staring at the wine.  
Angela seems to be wondering why Jane is staring too,  
"Yeah no problem,", she tears her eyes away from her daughter to give me a smile, "The truth is I love you Maura and want you and Jane to be happy.. Whether that means you stay together or not--"  
"Come on Ma!" Jane has been taken out of her staring contest with the wine.  
"Well.." Was all the older woman responded.  
A small silence slides between the three, resting on the table as jane continues to look at her mother.  
I interrupt the silence " Well we haven't talked much about that yet Angela."  
"Yet?" Maybe this one was an out of character Van Gogh or Monet muse.  
The face of a woman searching for all her answers in me.  
"You..you want to end this?" She asks me.  
I pauses very briefly but the truth is already on my tongue "Yes! Of course I want this to end!  
I wish we could go back in time so none of this happened and I know how irrational that sounds, Jane. You've made me irrational.. "  
"Maura please-"  
"And before that you made me happier than I knew I could be Jane."  
Where are the words for how I feel?  
"I feel like I belong with you.."  
There they are.  
I haven't been holding eye contact but when I do I see Jane is hanging onto every word.  
I take a deep breath to settle my nerves before I continue  
"I feel inside of me that there is a reason I'm tied to you and I still feel that.  
It hasn't even shrunk Jane.."

What else should I say?  
I'm surprising myself and everyone else with this admission.  
I look up to meet Jane's eyes.  
"I want to get passed doubting you, but I don't know how.."  
She looks sad but shes quick to interject,  
"That's okay, we'll figure it out.  
We can figure it out if it's what we both want.  
I don't want to lose you Maura. I love you so much.  
I want everything with you. I want a life with you. And if we need time to figure it out,  
well I'm gonna be right here using everything I have to figure it out."  
Shes here fighting for me.  
I feel like I'm just fighting myself.  
I need to stop that.  
Could this really be?

"Okay."

"Okay?""Okay" I hear the two question at the same time.  
"Yes. Okay.  
I want to be with you Jane. I want to try. Slowly." There. I said it.  
I think that covers it all.  
And now my body is telling me this food is delicious and needed. "Glad we got that out of the way. " I finish and bring a bite of fresh green beans to my mouth and crunch. I taste heaven. I know they're still looking at me and between each other but they should be looking at their plates because this food is delicious.  
"Great." Jane's smiles and breaks the silence, "Well Alright." Her dark eyes shining and she starts eating.  
Angela has held her peace long enough, "Maura? Are you sure?"  
"Mom!" Jane outbursts, "Why are you the devil's advocate? I could use your support and you keep whacking me on the nose with a newspaper! My wife doesn't want to divorce me. How is that not good enough for you?"  
I try to interject but Angela beats me to the punch,"Jane--"  
"It just seems too good to be true. Jane, I love you sweetie. I raised you. Of course I'm shocked and disappointed, who wouldn't be, but you're mine and I love you Jane."  
Angela reaches out to comfort her daughter. "I love you." She reiterates before she looks to me and continues, "And I love you too Maura. I was thrilled to have you join my family because I know you love Jane but how can you know that you can make this work; After everything?  
And that a year from now you wont realize you can't..  
I just don't want you two to keep hurting each other."

Honestly

"I see love surrounding you all. You showed me what a loving family is and I want to be a part of this. I don't know that a year from now I won't say this was a mistake, But Angela how could I know that?  
I just know It feels right to love Jane."  
I can't help looking at her now, and she's looking at me. She reaches out and I reach back to hold her hand, "I don’t want to break up our family Jane."  
Her eyes hold sadness and love, she wants what I want. To keep holding on.  
"You just tell me what you need." Jane tells me.

What do I need? What a question.

I take a deep breath and my brain answers for me as crisp, savory veggies and juicy meat call out from the plate in front of me.  
"I just want to have dinner with a few of my favorite people." Maura smiles inwardly and the contentment on her face soothes Jane.  
"And that works for me." Jane says to her mother. Angela bites her tongue and instead of a verbal response picks up her wine glass and enjoys. Jane's features lift anyway as she turns her attention to her plate as well, "Yes, ma'am."

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

"Well my mother is tucked into bed and snoring happily-- Hey!" Jane begins to fuss, coming into the kitchen and seeing Maura rinsing and loading the dishes, "I said I was going to do that." She comes to stand next to Maura, grabbing the next plate to rinse before handing it to Maura to put in the dishwasher.  
"You kind of had your hands busy." Maura reminds, referring to the inebriated woman sleeping it off down the hall.  
Angela finished the wine for them and didn't last long after dinner. Shes traded Kavanaugh for StellaArtois or some other wine that rhymes.

"Yeah, I don't know why she drank that much. And frankly, it's kind of irresponsible. She invited us here and passes out before", Jane pulls Maura's wrist to her to check her watch, "before 10pm? Woah mom."  
"She could be on a blood thinning medication, or have low red blood cell volume today or just.. Losing her tolerance." Maura rambles.  
"Thank you for sticking with me tonight Maura. I did not expect for the conversation to go the way it did. I've been pinching myself a lot. Why.. No. how can you.. ..forgive me?"  
"I love you Jane." Maura provides as a matter of fact.  
"Still.. You didn't have to stay."  
"I can't just give up..I don't want to."  
They look into each others eyes.  
Is this the moment?  
I mean  
It feel like it, don't it?

Temptation.

I don't look away.  
She's so beautiful it would hurt if it didn't distract from the pain.  
Her dark eyes that hold so much inside have captured me. Shes holding me with her eyes, her hands are still gripping the edge of the countertop, probably so she doesn't use them against me. She could damage a wilting flower. So she looks away, running the last glass under the water.

I'm aware of how close her body is to mine as I grab the glass from her, load and start the dishwasher, barely focused on the task.  
Energy is around me.  
Where did all of this inner chi come from? A heat free flowing up my spine. I felt energized. Maybe it's magnetic. But maybe it's the wine. Still this feels  
Crazy. 

I glance back up and she is already looking at me. No one could have prepared me for this.  
Realizing I was in love with Jane was hard the first time I came to terms with it, I thought it changed who I was then but recognizing I love her now it's.. Intense.  
I never thought this would happen to us.

Now She's looking at me like she should be able to read my thoughts.  
Maybe she's using her detecting skills against me like If she turns me into the perpetrator then she'll be able to figure me out. 

With the dishwasher doing it's duty I turn to lean back against it and feel the hum drum on my bum.

"I want us to make it, Jane."  
"So do I.  
I am so sorry I put us in this situation.." She is looking out the window but her mind is searching beyond the alleyway. "I love you Maura and I hope we can make it too." There are tears in her eyes but she's smiles when she looks back at me anyway.

I'm just looking at her mouth and this small smile that just slightly emphasizes her dimples.. She's turned her focus back to the window in front of her but If she looks my way for a second.. and I expect her to but she doesn't. She knows I'm still staring at her.  
I step forward to close the distance between us, leaning on the counter but her hands still on the counter prevent me from invading her personal space. She keeps looking out the window and I can't get eye contact.  
What could be so interesting out there?  
"Jane.  
Look at me."  
She looks down at me and the smile is gone from her lips.  
My eyes don't leave her mouth and I know what I want to do. I elevate into her space, the distance shrinking painfully slow but she lowers her head. I can tell she's questioning this. I am too but apprehension isn't controlling me.  
I push up against the counter to remove the last inch between our faces and watch her eyes close before I feel her lips.  
She doesn't move, she doesn't even breathe until my lips begin reaquainting themselves with hers but she is barely kissing me back. What is she so scared of?  
I deepen our kiss and run my tongue over her lip a few times earning a gasp as Jane takes me in. She pulls back, resting her forehead on mine pushing slow, heavy breaths from her lungs.  
"Maura--" I pull her back to me and take her lips in mine  
No talking.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What next?
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! if you enjoyed this chapter leave a kudos and some feedback!  
> I'm leaving the option for non registered users to be able to read and anonymous comments..for the time being.


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